in a funk this weekend
I'm not in a bad mood this weekend, but I am in a funk. I think it started yesterday when I slept in until 11am - I haven't done that for months, and when I finally got out of bed I did feel good... but I also felt just a little off.
I ate lunch and then fell back asleep on the couch from 1pm to 2pm - I have narcolepsy1 and I just need to let myself nap sometimes - and when I woke up, I was feeling even more off. I got back to feeling normal when my boyfriend suggested we continue watching Star Trek: Voyager and I picked up my knitting project to work on as we watched. We spent most of the day marathoning Voyager and when we stopped in the evening, the 'off' feeling came back.
It's like as long as I'm busy doing something, I feel fine, but when I stay still, I'm at a loss for what to do next and it's hard to get myself moving.
Today, I slept until 10am. We picked up some breakfast tacos and after we ate, I felt off again. On top of that, I felt so sleepy that I was frustrated and disappointed with myself. It really sucks to not ever feel entirely well rested or alert and it sucks to need some kind of energy drink every day. I wish I could fight back against my body. I just kind of slumped on the couch for a bit alongside my boyfriend.
Finally, I told him what was wrong and I said, "I need help." I was afraid if I didn't say anything, I would just be stuck in my slump and be unable to get up and move. I didn't want to completely waste my day moping on the couch. I hate asking for help, but I'm glad that I did today. He suggested I get changed into my swimsuit while he grabbed some sunscreen and we could spend the afternoon in the pool.
Sometimes it just helps to be told what to do, to be given direction so I don't have to think about it myself when my brain and body are tired and I'm struggling. We had a nice afternoon relaxing in the pool, and now that we're back inside the house and we're all cleaned up, I think I feel a little more like myself.
It's a three day weekend for us here in the U.S., so I'm going to try to take it easy.
I have narcolepsy. I keep thinking about how I want to write a post about it, but where to begin? My narcolepsy is currently managed by medication and good sleep hygiene, but I have to remind myself often that the medication is a treatment to make it easier, not a cure. Hard days still happen.↩