i'm nervous about going to the dentist tomorrow!!
How is it that staying on top of my dental health feels like I’m running on a treadmill? I keep going, but I’m not moving any further. I’m taking actions but I’m never quite progressing enough to be caught up. It’s neverending, it’s discouraging, and it’s fucking expensive.
To do: get my deep cleaning done, have cavities filled, get two crowns, and lastly — finally! — get the dental night guard my sleep doctor has wanted me to get for over a year. I’m only seven appointments and over $5,000 away from the finish line.
Last year, I was trying to get my teeth taken care of at a dental school’s student clinic. It was all the way across town and appointments were limited. The advantage of this route is that it’s a lot cheaper than going to a private clinic. The disadvantage? Each appointment takes much longer as the dental students are still getting experience, and professors have to check every step of their work. This means three cavity fillings could take four hours. But it’s only half an hour to get there and half an hour to get back home, no biggie. Also, that’s paid time off you’re using to go to these appointments.
I did this for six months and it was exhausting. It felt like such slow progress and it was eating up so much of my PTO with work. At the start of this year, I had to put those appointments on hold due to not being able to take time off work for a few months. Now that it’s April, I’m ready to get on top of my dental health and get the treatments I need. I’ve even found a private dentist’s office near my house with more open availability. The price tag is the only drawback.
I’m tired of being embarrassed of the quality of my teeth. I’m even embarrassed to be establishing care with a new dentist’s office. I wonder if they look inside my mouth and make assumptions — maybe they think I’m a lazy, dirty person, or that I don’t care about my health. I’m ashamed of the judgment of the clinic staff and I’m scared of the pain of any treatments and procedures.
But I’m also incredibly exhausted of feeling this shame and embarrassment. I want to get the work I need over and done with already! I’m going to push through my anxiety and pay this stupid amount of money and someday (hopefully soon) I will have a night guard and a clean mouth.